Monday, January 7, 2008

Go Wanda, It's Your Birthday!

Really, it is my birthday. Quite honestly, I did not remember. LOL. Until my husband wished me a happy birthday. Hmmm, okay.
Birthdays are like the new year, to me. They bring about this urge to change one's life. It is my time when I reflect on the last __ (I'm not telling) years of my life and take an inventory. Have accomplished what I wanted to for my age? Am I where I thought I would be? Do I have what I want?

I have not accomplished everything that I wanted. Not even close. I never had an idea of where I wanted to be, so I guess I am fine with where I live. If I am being absolutely honest, I most definitely do not have everything that I want (desire might be a more appropriate word). I will admit that I am a touch materialistic. Although I do not give in to my desires at the expense of my bills, family, and daily life; I do crave for a lot of things that I don't really need. So, no. I do not have everything that I want.

I am not usually depressed with birthdays. I love being alive for another year. It means that much longer with my children and family. This year though I am very contemplative. This whole Jesus thing has got me messed up. This year He has definitely taken a place of priority in my life. It is something that I am not totally comfortable with and am wrestling with on a daily basis.

This year He has made it crystal clear that I cannot run and hide from Him anymore. There is quite a bit of ambiguity in my life right now because I have no idea where I am going. That should be scary. I am a planning person. I like to plan out my life and everything in it. I like to know what is going on, so I should be freaking out right about now because I have no earthly idea what's going to happen next. All I know is that I am following the direction that God has pointed me.

The amazing thing is that I do not have a care in the world. Now isn't that crazy? Anyone who knows me would not even believe it. That is what's so mircalous about this situation. God has given me this level of peace and contentment that I have never had in my life. Let me be honest, I have all sorts of problems right now but I am not even worried.

So, on this birthday, I am just thankful and greatful that God loves me enough to disregard all of my faults. I am thankful that he did not give up on me when I ignored his calling for all those years. Although I have no idea where I am going, I am thankful that he has pointed me in the right direction. On this birthday, I am singing halleluia because God is God and He is in my corner!

... Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strenght. - Nehemiah 8:10
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