Are You Satisfied?

It is hard to sit and write or talk about the fun, mind-numbing entertainment stuff this week for me when I feel so blah. That is really the best way to describe it. I just feel blah. I am not quite depressed but I am not my usual happy, cheery self. Why? Well, to be honest, I am not absolutely positive although I have an idea.

Don’t you ever feel that way? Even if things are great in your life, you just feel a little out of sorts. One can try to pin point the exact reason but fails at coming up with just one thing. It seems that in life, there can be so many little things that start to pile up until they become almost unbearable which causes a person to feel out of sorts. In this case, searching for that one thing that is wrong just won’t work.

So, how can the blah feeling change? Should we wait until it disappears on it’s own? If you hare a proactive person like myself, that may be difficult to do. I would like to take steps to resolve whatever it is so I can get back to being myself. The problem is that I know it is a conglomeration of things. How do I wrestle a mountain high ant pile and come out unscathed? It almost seems impossible.

That is the problem for some people though, like myself. At times, I tend to look at the big picture instead of breaking it down and tackling things one small step at a time. I look at the big picture and it overwhelms me. I tend to go completely overboard at that.

For example, I will look at the goals in my life and think that I will never accomplish them because it seems like I am going around in circles. I look at this writing thing and allow myself to be overcome by all the negatives of the business. I think about the thousands of books that come out every year and the people that have been writing for ever. I wonder how can I compete and that negativity stops me from going forward at full blast. I know because I have done it before. However, that really shouldn't’t stop me from putting my all into my little piece of it.

My house right now is in complete shambles because we are getting new floors put in (moving from carpet to hardwood). The job is almost done and I should be cleaning up. However when I look at the magnitude of the mess, it is as if I am frozen. I don’t know where to start. It is such a mess that it looks like it will never get done. It sure won’t get done if I don’t start.

It is things like that, that make me a little crazy or neurotic at times. Then of course, when I get into these little moods, I wonder if I will ever be satisfied with my life or will I always be striving to hit a next level. There are plenty people in the world who would be fine to be were I am at. Let’s be clear, I am not at all ungrateful. I know that I am so blessed to have all this goodness in my life; however, I have this urge to always do better or more. So, when I reach my goal (whatever that is, really) will I stop?

I think I will stop, just long enough to take it all in and thank God. Afterwards, I will be on to conquer something new. That is just who I am. Maybe that is why I am feeling blah. I don’t feel like I am on course right now. It is as if I am just floating through life doing the daily grind and not really doing anything to work towards my life goals. Technically that is not true though. It is just how I feel because there seems to be no progress.

There are some things that have to be done before one can see change. So, I have to be still and not worry about moving forward because there is much to be done in the quiet moments. In the mean time, I have adopted two new mantras: 1. small steps at a time, and 2. do it now.

So, I will be back to address these.


Steph said…
Girl!!!!!!!! I feel you on that!! There's so many things I'm ready to jump forward and do, but with what? Or what is it that I really want....damn we think alike!! Thats why i love ya!! I mean Im ready for the next step in life.. but I cant do that on my own, theres alot of things I want to be on same page...but they're just scattered dreams!! So when u figure it out let me know!! LOL... Thanks I feel better now:) TTYS!
silkysoul said…
*-sigh-* How to respond....?!?

Well, first, I think honestly that these "episodes" in life are prone to some people based on their personality. In my case, I feel, and have been told by several people, that I am a "multi-talented" individual. From my youth, my expectations have been to capitalize on those talents in a way to "piece the puzzle together" and make some serious bank! However, I've realized that the resources (time, acquaintances, energy) it takes to make this nirvana of a dream happen are not entirely available to me. :-( Most of all, this has to be planned out, which is a big challenge to my personality. My sense of "entitlement" has diminshed over time, and so have my "big dreams". I now work more to maintain the blessings that I've been given...and have earned...and every once in awhile enjoy a "perk".
Anonymous said…
Steph, I feel you baby.

Silky, I am trying to get to that place where I live for today, you know. For the most part I am satisfied and thankful ... but every once and a while I get gittery.

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