Thursday, February 18, 2016

Parents, do not forget you!

The babies, the boy and girl, are not really babies anymore. They are annoying, drive-me-crazy Thing 1 and Thing 2 pre-teens. They drive me to levels of frustration that only a bleeding heart, loving parent can understand. When it gets rough, and sometimes that seems daily, I yell and scream (which I really hate doing) out of frustration because they haven't listened to me the first 200 times I asked or said it in a normal voice. Nowadays, I just jump to screaming and have to catch myself. I'm a work in progress.

As a raving lunatic mother, I am consistently filled with self doubt about my parenting skills. I think maybe I expect too much from them, maybe I do not expect enough. I ask myself how the heck do other parents do this and get through it. I often wonder about running away for a while. I am planning a vacation without them and of course I feel a tinge of guilt about it, but I know it is needed. It is needed because I need to get away from feeling like I am not good enough in this role. I need an injection of being a grown woman without feeling like, I am going to lose my mind.

On the flip side of it, my life would be unrecognizable without them. They are my light, my motivation, my joy. It is because of them and the fact that as children they do not care what issues I am going through, they need me. It is because of that, I made it through tough times and I continue to push myself when I would rather not. I achieve and continue attempting to grow because not only do I need to provide for them but I also need set an example.

Being an only parent is the hardest undertaking of my life because it is lonely, but it is what we do. It is who we are. In this case the one thing we must do is remember to love ourselves, rewards ourselves and take care of ourselves in this journey so that we may continue to channel that love back to our little people, who makes us crazy but we live for.

What do you have planned to remember you?
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